Pilot/Transcript
Bradley: DAAAAAAADDYYYYYYYY! Buck: What is it now, Bradley? Bradley: The remote's too far. I WANNA CHANGE THE CHANNEL! Buck: Shut up you little brat. TV Hey... this is Judge Mia! Bradley: Ew. This show is like a hundred years old. Buck: It ended twenty five years ago, Bradley. I was on this show. Bradley: at Turdsley Were you that fat one? Buck: No, you brat. Look there I am! on TV Bradley: You were so thin. What happened? Buck: Let's just make this our little secret, okay Bradley? You can't tell anyone. Bradley: Whatever. SONG walks in the house holding bags Buck: Hi Karen, how was your day? Karen: Better than yours. Buck: Need help with the groceries? Karen: OH, so just because I'm a woman means I can't do anything by myself? I don't need a MAN's help! Buck: Guhhh... that's what I get for trying to be nice. bursts in and runs upstairs crying Karen: Did you put the bananas out to thaw? sobs Buck: No because you never told me to. sobs Karen: a GOOD husband would have done it by himself sobs loudly Buck: Uggghhh... I guess someone should go talk to her. Karen: NOT IT! Buck: NOT IT! --oohOOH, oohOOH!-- weeping on bed Buck: Jasmine? Jasmine: Gyoa awaay! sobs Buck: Fine. Jasmine: WAIT! down sobbing Buck: What's wrong. Jasmine: sobbing M-m-m-me and T-Taylor Capuchin wore the same outfit to the DAAh-a-a-a-ance... Buck: leaving That sounds like a personal problem. screamsobs --mmMm, mmMm-- at night and Karen settling in for bed Buck: Goodnight honey. Karen: Guhh.... I hate my life. turns off Bradley: Mommay! Mommay! MommAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- turns on is standing next to the bed screams Bradley: I can't go to sleep. Karen: Bradleeeey. What do you expect me to do? Bradley: Check for monsters in my closet. Karen: Uggghhhh, fiiiiiiine... Bradley: WAIT! I want daddy to do it. Buck: Ugh, pieca crap. Karen: Heh heh, succckerrrrr. Bradley's room turns on Bradley: There's a monster in my closet. Buck: No there isn't, now GO TO BED. Bradley: But daddy-- starts shaking jumps out Bradley: MOOOOONSTERRR! Jasmine: We've had this conversation, you little brat. We share a closet. Buck: Both of you. Bed. NOW. and Jasmine go to bed Buck: Bradley, I'm locking your door so you can't escape until morning. Bradley: Waaaaaaah... --oohOOH, oohOOH-- stuck in traffic Buck: MOVE IT, PEOPLE! Guy: Hey I'm drivin heah! walks into Monkey's Pride Banana Co. Gordon: Thank heavens you're here. Buck: Yes, I'm late again... I don't need your crap Gordon. Gordon: Mr. Baboon just had another screaming fit. I think you might be in trouble. Buck: Oh, really? You think I might be in trouble, Gordon? Gordon: Yes. Buck: Is that what you think? Mr. Baboon: SNORTLESON! My office. NOW! Gordon: Good luck buddy. Buck: Yeah whatever. --hmmMMM, hmmMMM-- Karen: Bradley? WHAT are you WATCHING?! Bradley: Judge Mia. Karen: That show is NOT appropriate for immature children! Bradley: You shouldn't be watching it then... YUK yuk yuk. gasps offendedly shows up on screen Karen: Wait... is that... Bradley: I know what you're thinking, and daddy isn't the fat turtle. Karen: Whooaa... he really let himself go. Karen: whispering Why did he hide it from me? --ooh ooh AAH AAH-- Mr. Baboon: Buck. Snortleson. sigh Do you know why I called you in here? Buck: To... give me a raise. Mr. Baboon: NO! sigh clenched You were twenty minutes late. Buck: What are you gonna do, fire me? Mr. Baboon: Your sales are down 300% FROM LAST QUARTER!!! Mr. Baboon: Just look at Gordon out there - he is a sales GOD. Gordon: Hello, Mrs. Monkey? I noticed that your banana subscription is about to expire in six months. Buck: Gordon's a freak. Mr. Baboon: You are on VERY thin ice. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!! and Gordon in the lunch room Gordon: What did your mommy pack you for lunch? My mommy packed me PB&J. bag Gordon: Ahhh, she forgot to cut the crusts off! Mr. Baboon: Oh dear! Here let me help you with that... weeping in on Buck Mr. Baboon: There we go... all better! in traffic --oohOOH, oohOOH-- walks in the house Buck: Another crappy day. Karen: It's about to get even more crappy. Buck: Karen... I thought you were already asleep. Karen: Bradley and I watched a VERY interesting show today. Buck: A-aa- I was going to tell you. Jasmine: st-HOP FIGHTING! and Karen stare Jasmine: Oh. Sorry, too early... Karen: Why did you hide it from me? What could you possibly hope to gain? Buck: I've been trying to leave behind that chapter of my life, because-- Karen: What. Because what, Buck. Because you wanted to be the most famous person in your family? You don't want us to be better than you? Huh? ANSWER MAY! Buck: I wanted to have a normal life... Karen: WE COULD HAVE BEEN FAMOUS! Buck: ...to focus on my family. Karen: Hmph. Keep this up, and you won't have a family. leaves contemplates Jasmine: st-HOP fighting!